- I need to model Christ-likeness at home and work.
- I am supposed to organize the Soccer Camp drama/story/Gospel-sharing time for my church.
- I feel purposeless.
- I don't really care. Sorta.
I am experiencing significant inertia around moving forward in my Christian walk. I lack the will power to spend time with God. This Christian faith is likened to a battle - and I've defected. I don't see many other people fighting, anyway. Many Christians I know (including myself) live lives that are un-revolutionary. No striving. No sacrifice. No discipline. No risk-taking. No great victories. Shouldn't the Christian walk be more? It's difficult to see where God is working in my life. Some days it's easier to doubt that He really is.
I feel disconnected from the people who anchor my life. I spend time with my wife and kids, but it seems to lack intimacy. Not being close to God scrambles the message of my values and God's love for my kids. I see my friends occasionally, but it's difficult to really communicate what's going on (or not going on). It's safer for me to be entertaining.
And so I drift along. Destined one day to land on a shore of someone else's choosing. It's too hard to fight the current. Besides, my couch is comfortable. Why mess with it?
I need some chutzpah, but I'm not sure I want to pay for it yet. Is it cheaper on E-bay?
6 comments:
Hey Jason.
I appreciate your honesty. It seems so tempting to write a cliche right now, but
you know I'm here for ya.
(Is that too cliche?)
I read you blog last night and really wasn't sure what to say. You certainly have a way with words. All can really say is, that my prayers are with you. The only suggestion I have for you is look to the Lord. He is our strength and no other. He needs to be our passion 1st and the rest will follow.
Read hebrews 10
Thanks, guys. I felt some relief after posting my thoughts, and I appreciate your comments. Hebrews 10 was helpful - speaking about not "throwing away our confidence" in Christ.
dude...i miss you...your honesty and willingness to throw it all on the table...and then make a great art piece out of it.
as i read your post i felt as if i was reading a Psalm...a pure unadulterated confession of ones emotions and faith working together to express ones heart.
you're so right when you say that you don't see many other people fighting the fight...and sometimes the "hero's" of the bible don't cut it; we need real people who are honest about their spiritual journeys to interact with...here and now.
hey, here's a thought for ya. in John 3:16 it talks about believing in Jesus so we don't perish but have eternal life. i never knew this, but the word "perish" can mean "to render useless" or "to be lost." what if this verse isn't talking about heaven and hell, but living a life that is useful to the kingdom of God here and now on earth, and it will continue in the life hereafter? those who don't believe, entrust their lives, put their faith in, Jesus...their lives will be rendered useless for the kingdom. but those that do surrender, those who are honest with themselves and put their faith in God, they will discover a life of usefullness.
Jason my friend, your life is one of great usefulness and influence...regardless of which season of your spiritual journey you are on.
I have found great comfort in the words of 2 Timothy 2:13, "if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself..."
thanks for being real bro.
Just read your blog today. It's so refreshing to hear such honesty. It wasn't so long ago that I had the exact same feelings as you are expressing about your Christian walk and I know that Cal has expressed those to me as well in the not so distant past. Know that God is in the midst of your seemingly messy/purposeless life and YOU WILL come out of it. You're too valuable to God for him give up on you. Believe it or not God still has amazing plans for your life...Your honesty and vulnerablity with God is exactly what he wants from us in these times..I'll be praying for you.
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